lots of people said tat i have changed.
my grp members today kept asking if i was alright.
i didnt know wat tuh telll them.

we wrote letters.
starting frm greg.

G: hey you alright?
R: yeah. i tink so.
G: wad do you mean you tink so?
R: nth.
G: you changed.
R: huh? how?
G: this few days you are so quiet.
R: am i?
G: yeah. you used to be cheerful and crazyy. but now you are moody, sad and serious.
R: ohh is it??
G: yeah.. i kinda miss the old "rose"
R: no. you guys hate the old rose. the old rose was too irritating.
G: NO!! the new rose is too serious. you ok??
R: ok lahhs.
G: gd.... can i have bck the old rose??
R: no. you guys hate it.
G: NO! i hate it more in the rose now.
R: no. this rose will shut her freaking mouth up and not bother or irritate any one of you guys.
G: dun do that lahh!. pls i want the old rose back. the grp is so boring.
R: you have james and grp 1.
G: that is different.
R: they are still 6 endurance.==
G: nvr mind. ZHAN PENG IS A GAYY!!
R: haha. a lesbian?
G: YEAH.

and it ends.....

this letter was between me and xin yi.

X: i realised you have changed alot.
R: in what??
X: ur mood. and ur attitude.
R: OO
X: yeah. the grp used to be the noisiest and funny.
R: yeah and we often get scolded. ==
X: NO! the group is boring and so unlively without laughter.
R: thats because im better off dead. i am just useless.
X: no ure not.
R: ((: <---- i smiled.
X: good. is sth bothering you??
R: no. nothing.
X: you sure??
R: im fine really.
X: its good to hear that.
R: :DD <---- i had a wide smile.
X: ((:

and it ends here.((:

zhan peng doesnt care.
i didnt know so mani ppl cared for me.
i was still silent throughout the whole dayy.
i saw mdm sng looking at me.
i thought tat i was misbehaving cuz i was writing sth.
so i just contiuned writing.
i didnt care wad was going on.
i didnt care watever
cuz i was also busy replying th 2 letters plus nadiah is 3
i lazy type me and her msg.
it was thrown away((:

after school...
after we lined up...
" rose, come here. stay back for awhile."
mdm sng said.
i thought tat she was going tuh scold me.
but thn.
" is there anything bothering youu rose??"
nth nth nth!! tat was all i said.
M: are you sure??
R: yeahs. i am good.
M: you dont seem to be urself today.
R: im fine.
M: you used to be happy and cheerful. always laughing.
R: ohh.
M: are you sure??
R: yeah.
M: you know ur SA2 results dropped alot .
R: i know that.
M: you know i have high expatations of you?
R: i nodded.
M: so you better buck up ok? if you have any problems you can tell me.
R: i nodded.
M: ok then. go have ur lunch. see you tmr.
R: ok. bye.


this was the first time a tcher was so concern bout me.
i really love you to core mdm sng.
and to my grp members and mdm sng

thanks for the concern...
i really duno wat to tell you.
i cant express it to you.
im really sorry
i know i have to buck up.
i cant seem to understand WHY i have becomed so weak.
i duno.. i duno...
i just duno..
i was angry with myself.
i was.
i was angry of why so mani ppl cared bout me but yet i was so useless
andi treated them back like....
tat i didnt do anything to them??
i was so a pain in the butt.
arent i??

tats why
i am the one hu shouldnt exist in the world.
that is why.
why have i changed so much to a much weaker person??
why have i??!

rose, why did you cry everytime you go bck home??
i know.
i am touched by the people hu cared bout me and i didnt give them bck my appreciation
evn gregory.
i tot he hated me.
he seems concerned.

i duno..
i tink i will reconsider if i will return bck to old rose.
ok ppl??
mdm sng dun be too worried.
im fine. ((:

im asking why?!! cant someone tell me????
why do i have such a loving teachr and i duno how to repay my appreciation??




and a thing my cuzzin told me aft she read my blog.
it may be long.
but it is very very meaningful really.








yeah some long and naggy thing

but as a cousin i feel that there is a need to xP

once i write finish the message, i have ta run for homework

and

kk

dun say a thing until i finish a msg (:

ok

juz keep thinking abt it

k here goes ah..

you already have great friends, great teachers and also a very healthy life.

k, maybe you may think that

some of your friends they dont care about you.

some other friends whom are not as close to you, dont really think that you exist.

LET THEM BE.

they dont like you, so what?

who will be at loss?

you have ppl whom care for you,

those people who are for you are none other than your true friends(:

this is your last year in 6endurance

what do you want to make most of?

do you want to live the school with regrets, and you say,

'aiyah, i should have done this, i should have done that earlier, why didnt i do it?'

than you start to regret.

please, dont end up in my state.

this is ur last year and u decide what you want to make it most of

i dont think you want to live this school with regrets,

YOU'VE BEEN IN THAT SCHOOL FOR 6 YEARS!

6 years girl!

thats a very long way.

are you going to give up now?

NO!

this is your crucial time of the year

you got SUCH GREAT FRIENDS(:

really.

and teachers that care for you.

so, what is stopping you from doing your fullest?

im sure your friends would all want you to be in a great school and be happy also (;

life is making what you can make it most of.

so,

this is your F-I-N-A-L year here in admiralty primary.

what you want to make it?

you going to let it be dull issit?

cmonnn(:

sometimes life just smile

joke about.

ur last year already

ur last year being in 6endurance!

if you're not going to be dull, and not going to joke and smile all the time,

THEN WHEN?

when you graduate?
:
that'll be too late
treasure your timee(:

really, and i meant all the words that i have just said..

coz this whole message came from someone

who has been through the exact same thing as you
enimsa-jay(: says:
be happy about your friends, be proud of your teachers and all those.

im sure a teacher who cares that much to you

really looks forward to you going to a great school

and if you're going to think how to repay your teacher,

other than tchers day,

im not a teacher but i believe if i were, you could do one proud and seriously believe in yourself.
enimsa-jay(: says:
you work hard, and i'll like to see you as a top admiralty PSLE student

no, im more demanding.

i want you to aim for top PSLE student for SG

i told my mother the same line

when i was in primary 3

i tell my mother i going to go raffles girls

but now in my plight,

they all start to laugh at me and all those

but its okay

they laugh so be it.

i have done all that i could

sometimes,

life is all about taking risks at the right time.

its your last year.

just rmb that.
and i know this has been a long message

and tho you may think all the things i have said above are irrelevant

but as a very.. wierd cousin, i feel that that is something that you should know

and whatever you do, make sure you really live your life to the fullest

just rmb this one last line.

one last year.

(: that will be all